Tuesday, June 28, 2011

There's An App For That!

I have a confession. The first time I was introduced to the idea of "apps" I didn't really *get* them. My first boyfriend to have an iPhone was someone who in the interest of anonymity I’ll call “The Macedonian.” I know, I know - some of you know exactly who I’m talking about, but still. ANYWAY..., he would sit in my living room either waiting for me to get ready or just killing time and he was always plucking away at his iPhone. At the time I thought he was replying to work emails or doing something terribly important. I was so relieved that he had access to these Terribly Important Things even when he was stuck at my house... I was thankful that he remained unburdened by the limitations of not having access to his computer. As time went on and I saw more people with their iPhones I was again struck by all these Terribly Important Things people were accomplishing while in the doctor’s waiting room or in line at the bank or waiting in the airport terminal. Where would these poor people be without their iPhones.... Can you imagine all the Terribly Important Stuff they'd be missing?!?! Oh, the horror of it all. As I watched these people over the years I was glad they had access to their Terribly Important Stuff, but I started to realize I was filled with another emotion... I was filled with a need to have.my.own. 'Tis true, dear reader... I coveted that iPhone and longed for the day that I would have one of my own. I mean really, how may Terribly Important Things was *I* missing because of my stupid 'ole Rogue phone? (that's right... I went Rogue before I went iPhone- don't blame me, blame Verizon!!!). Anyway, I was a wishin' and a hopin' for the day when the world would be right and I would have an iPhone.

That day came my friend... That.day.came. February 3rd... I set my alarm, woke up early and pre-ordered my iPhone. Read that again, did you see what it said? MY iPhone! Oh, yeah... That happened. I was one of the lucky ones to get the limited quantity of iPhones available for presale. Even tho they weren't officially for sale till Feb 10th I had that bad boy in my hot little hand,

activated and ready for business at 2:40 pm on Feb 7. I have to say, I felt superior. Wildly superior, truth be told. Wildly superior until just after 3 pm when I picked Ben up from school and showed him my P & J (come on, you know... Pride and Joy!!!). “Cool, Mom!!! What apps do you have?!?!?!” My first reaction was of the defensive variety. “Ummm... I’ve had it twenty minutes.... I haven’t really had *time* to get any apps,” with a tone of voice that hinged on condescending... as if I would have had LOTS of apps had I had just the teeniest bit more time. In all honesty, the second reaction I had was “Holy cow. I don’t know anything about apps. I have an iPhone and I don’t know anything about apps.” I was... an iPhone moron.

It’s not like I didn’t know what apps *were*... I mean, I knew they existed, but my knowledge of them was akin to nuclear power or physics or how to make bread that rises on it’s own (I have never really gotten that whole “yeast” and “punching down” thing)... I know they’re out there, I know someone on the planet has to understand them... and as it turns out, I’m not that person. My knowledge was limited to the recognition that the phrase “There’s an app for that!” is the Apple community’s equivalent of “That’s what she said!” It works in many conversations, you don’t have to necessarily *get* the joke to say it, and it always, always gets a big laugh. It made me look like when I was in the know when I was so just... not. And there I was... an iPhone owner lost in a sea of apps.

Thank God I have children. I’m sure this is not a new concept to my parent friends out there, but to those who have not yet procreated, lemme ‘splain. Kids today... understand everything. We have to pull out the manual, skim through it, not understand it, google about it, kick it and then we accidentally push some right button to get whatever our new technologically advanced state-of-the-art blah-blah thing is to turn on. Or change channels. Or record. Or...well, you get the picture. It’s tough. Kids? Nope - they pull the paci out of their mouth, stretch for the new jazzy thing that we don’t know how to use, and as the words “Don’t touch that!!!” are falling from our lips... they have jumpstarted the thing. It’s true... I’ve seen it happen... I swear! So.... anyway, thank God for my kids. My kids really got me introduced to some cool apps. Other friends did, too, but the ones my kids have shown me have been life. changing. For reals.

Without my kids I wouldn’t know about...wait, are you ready? Because once I show you this information, I can’t un-show you... so...make sure you’re ready before you read this. Without my kids I wouldn’t know about the NinJump app. It’s hard to explain, but let me show you:


Now, that’s not my video, because my high score is way better ; ) but... you see how the game involves slicing and jumping and bouncing back in forth in a big blue ball of invincibility?!?!? It’s... amazing. So now, when I’m stuck in line at the bank, or waiting too long at the dentist’s or my hairdresser is behind... no worries! There’s bluebirds to whack. I’ve got lots of things to do with my previously wasted time. Lots. And then, one day it occurred to me... people think I’m doing Terribly Important Things! And I am!!!! I’m honing my ninja skills! I’m getting higher and higher scores and exercising my index finger like no one’s business. Seriously. It has also opened my eyes as to all those Terribly Important Things other people were doing... things like The Angry Birds or Farmville... or... NinJump. I see the world through new eyes, and I fully appreciate it. Some may think the world is their oyster, but I now know the truth... it’s an app. Not everyone will understand that, but trust me... one day you will understand. One day, you will understand. And if you don’t? Well... there’s an app for that. (Come on, you had to see that one coming.) ; )